I can't smile without you

You know I can't smile without you

I can't smile without you

I can't laugh and I can't sing

I'm finding it hard to do anything

You see I feel sad when you're sad

I feel glad when you're glad

If you only knew what I'm going through

I just can't smile without you

You came along just like a song

And brighten my day

Who would have believed that you where part of a dream

Now it all seems light years away

And now you know I can't smile without you

I can't smile without you

I can't laugh and I can't sing

I'm finding it hard to do anything

You see I feel sad when you're sad

I feel glad when you're glad

If you only knew what I'm going through

I just can't smile

Now some people say happiness takes so very long to find

Well, I'm finding it hard leaving your love behind me

And you see I can't smile without you

I can't smile without you

I can't laugh and I can't sing

I'm finding it hard to do anything

You see I feel glad when you're glad

I feel sad when you're sad

If you only knew what I'm going through

I just can't smile without you

- Raj

Feeling like Expendable

One can't understand what makes one feel like Expendable unsless he/she remembers a scene from the movie Rambo II. Rambo (played by Sylvester Stallone) and Co Bao (played by Julia Nickson) are discussing about their lives.

Co Bao: Why did they pick you? Because you like to fight?

Rambo: I'm expendable.

Co Bao: What mean expendable?

Rambo: It's like someone invites you to a party and you don't show up. It doesn't really matter. 

Its life, difficult to say, how to still love it....

- Raj

सपने – एक मृगतृष्णा के

कभी कभी ये जानते हुए कि क्या सही है और क्या गलत, हमलोग गलत की ही चाहत रखते हैं । मन कुछ कहता है और दिल कुछ और ....... इस उधेढ़बुन में ज़िन्दगी सिसक के रह जाती है। मन अपनी आंखो से सब कुछ देखता है पर दिल तो कुछ समझना ही नही चाहता है। उसे बस एक मृगतृष्णा की तलाश रहती है। सच में ये एक मृगतृष्णा ही तो है। कल को जब दिन ढलेगा तो हम फिर खाली हाथ रह जायेंगे । पर फिर भी आज वो ही अच्छा लगता है । 

भगवान भी थोड़े अजीब हैं । वो ऐसी परिस्थितियाँ परोक्ष रखते हैं कि हमलोग भी दिग्भ्रमित हो जाते हैं । पर मैं जब खुद को समझ नही पाया तो उनकी बातों को क्या समझ सकुंगा ।  आज अच्छा लगता है, अभी अच्छा लगता है.......कुछ नज़दिकियाँ अच्छी लगती है तो कभी कभी दुरियाँ भी अच्छी लगतीं हैं । सच में थोड़ी दुरी अच्छी लगती है, एक झूठ दिल को तसल्ली देता है । कभी कभी लगता है कि बैकड्रॉप में किसी फिल्म का गाना बज रहा है - 

“ ज़िन्दगी इस तरह से लगने लगी, रंग उड़ जाये जो दिवारों से       

अब छुपाने को अपना कुछ ना रहा, ज़ख्म दिखने लगे है दरारों से......”

पुरूष एक ऐसी झुठी मानसिकता का चादर ओढ के रहता है कि वो अपनी मजबुरियाँ किसी के साथ साझा भी नही कर सकता । दीये की रौशनी कभी कभी बहुत खुबसुरत काम करती है, वो हमें बस वो दिखाती है जिसे हम दिल से देखना चाहते हैं और फिर वही दिल ये कहता है की आस-पास कोई और है ही नही । जब भी दिल मुस्कुराने कि कोशिश करता है, मन उसे टोक देता है, कहता है कि आँखे खोलो, जिसे तूम अपना समझते हो, वो एक सपना मात्र है । फिर खुशी ना जाने कहाँ चली जाती है । रह जाता है तो बस एक सन्नाटा । बैक ग्राँउड का गाना फिर बदल जाता है - 

“दिल कहता है, चल उनसे मिल, उठते है कदम रूक जाते हैं

दिल हमको कभी समझाता है, हम दिल को कभी समझाते है .....”

किसी से कुछ कह भी नही सकता, तो सोचा अपने अंतर्मन की व्यथा किसी कोरे कागज़ पर उतार दूँ, शायद ये समझ सके मेरे अन्दर के अंतर्द्वन्द को । 

एक खालीपन है, मन में जीवन में।  

A journey to remember.....!!

While I was searching some classic romantic movies such as An affair to remember and a walk to remember on internet, I just happened to pass through a memoir of a teenager who had an sweet encounter of life. His letter was dedicated to his beloved and was a very romantic description of the beautiful time spend together by them. Though, his letter was in hindi, the beautiful and small narration of his journey was very touching. I tried my best efforts to translate it. I hope, the language can't be a barrier in expression of emotions.

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A journey to remember.....!!

Never in my life had I thought that I will experience life at its best. The day started by seeing your face, the lady who enriched my life with her enchanting smile. The journey was though short in its place value but happened to be larger than life in its face value. When you sat on my bike, I was thrilled. I was thrilled to think about our journey and spending time together. On taxi, I could feel my authority over you. It was good. I found that you were really depending upon me. I was the man of our family. We finally took our bus, we were enjoying our first breath of freedom.

Ever thought, that there is someone above, who looks after our thoughts and desires..? We call him God. I know, he really exists. He took pain for us to make the weather the most beautiful fairy, it could ever look. Little shower and cool breeze were her ornaments. The happiness was visible on your face. The feeling that lightened your face, gave me extreme satisfaction. You trusted me, you rested your head on my shoulder and closed your eyes, holding my arms. I could never ever forget those moments. The breeze made your silky hair kiss me all over my face. I was experiencing a soothing sensation.

Happiness was all around me. You allowed me to come more closer. I touched you in a way, the life initiates itself. That feeling cannot be expressed by me. I felt so many emotions in those fractions of seconds. It was excitement, jubilation, ecstasy, agony, bitterness and many more....I wanted to get closer, but not today, someday else. I can still feel those gripping sensations in my hands. That touch was great, really great....coz I felt you, internally.

After sometime, we departed with sweet memories of freedom, love, joy, sorrow, closeness, relationship, commitment and a life that I lived with you. I will never ever in my life forget this mesmerizing experience. 

Thanks to you my Love....

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Life is best, Always...

- Raj